Things I wish I had not said - Part 397

"I think I just got Off in my eye."

Fat as Aunt Annie

For years, my grandmother has had a saying we've heard with a fair amount of regularity. "Fat as Aunt Annie" became something we took for granted as a saying said all over the world.

One day, Ky asked her directly "Grandma, where did the saying 'Fat as Aunt Annie' come from?"

Grandma looked at her kind of puzzled like and said, "I had an aunt named Anne. She was really fat."
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The other night, we heard Grandma talking on the phone to one of our aunts. She was talking about how grateful she was that Ky and I were able to come visit her. She then noted that I had taken her grocery shopping earlier and she had bought some treats. She closed the conversation with a typical Grandma-ism.

"I shouldn't have bought all those snacks. These girls don't need to gain any more weight".

Thanks Grandma.

At Grandma's House

My sister, Ky, and I have been visiting with Grandma for the last few days. We will be here for another week and a bit yet. Posting will be slow and lean until then, so come back later and I will try to make up for it.

Part of the reason we came up this week (apart from the fact I am now homeless for 2 weeks) is to check on Grandma's ability to care for herself and to see how bad her level of confusion is. So far, I'm not too worried about her ability to care for herself. She's still eating (and over feeding her guests), she's still able to dress herself and take care of her personal needs, and she's remembering to turn off the stove. She's good for another few years, I'm sure.

Her level of confusion though? It's through the roof. Part of that has to do with Ky and I being here and interrupting her steady schedule. Also, I brought a ton of food with me, so Grandma's thrown off from being the provider and caregiver. However, Grandma's also always been a little forgetful, so it goes without saying that will get worse with age.

One day we were having a particularly hard time with supper plans. I had supper all planned out, but Grandma was having difficulties grasping it. Four or five times, we went over the plans - steak stroganoff, potatoes, and greens from the garden. Finally, I was sure she had it figured out and all was well.

Until she went to the fridge, opened it, and turned to ask "So, what are we having for supper?" I stood and stared at her, absolutely at a loss for words. She stared back for a moment, eyes wide with innocence. It took her a bit, but she realized we had had this discussion moments before. She didn't remember any of it, but she knew we'd had it. She just looked at me and grinned.

I wrote it down.

Days of Grace: Day 190

1. A 45 minute catch up call with my old partner Lorraine. She turns 70 this year. Hard to believe. She remains one of my greatest friends and is still my mentor.
2. Today was one day closer to 2 weeks holidays.
3. More packing is done. Not much left to go.
   
4. I am not working with morons at this particular moment.
5. Because I am not at work!
   

Gnomes are only awesome if used ironically

A gnome, like many other tacky things, is only to be used ironically. If you acknowledge that something is tacky, you may then use it in homage to the tackiness. You may use it to mock others who are tacky. Once you think the tacky thing is actually cool, you are lost.

I thought this was generally accepted as truth. It is like stating that a movie such as "Bring it On" is awesome. Yes, it is awesome. But only if you acknowledge that it is crap. It is awesome crap, but still -- in the grand scheme of things -- it is not a good movie. However, I freely admit that 9 out of 10 times, I am more likely to leave the channel on "Bring it On" than something that is actually cinematic genius.

The Gnome is the King of the Tacky Garden Crap. His Queen is the Clay Fairy; His Knight the majestic Flamingo. Gnomes, when used ironically, can be a whimsical part of your yard. If you have not participated in a Gnome Scavenger Hunt, you are missing out on life. (I have not participated in one. That is why I can say this. I have seen others who have and I know I am just a little less of a person.)

One gnome in a garden is adorable. More than one gnome and you had better be an old person who puts plastic dolls heads on stakes and calls them your "garden". Because you have crossed the line.

I regularly walk past a yard I know to belong to a couple of 30 somethings. Last week, they had one gnome -- The Rider Gnome. I applauded them in their use of ironic tackiness and Rider gear. However, tonight, they added others to join the Rider Gnome. Now a trio of gnomes stand watch to attest to the declining taste of their owners. Soon the lawn will be littered with plastic fawns and wood cut outs of fat-bottomed gardeners bending over.

It's sad really.

Countdown to losing my mind

T-minus 3 days. Three days. I work for two of them.

72 hours. I work for 20 of those. Sleep another 27 of those. Shower and get ready for work for 2 hours. Walk the dog for 1 hour. Church for 2 hours.

That gives me about 20 hours left to pack the rest of the house.

What, me worry? Nah. This is a heart attack, not a panic attack.

Comment Luv, or not

When visiting blogs, I have noticed that Wordpress has this neat thing called "Comment Luv". It connects each comment I make to the latest post on my site. I like to think it encourages people to actually go to other people's sites because of a catchy title. I wanted Comment Luv for myself, so I waited and waited until they came out with a program that works in Blogger.

Joy to the blog world, they finally did. I signed up immediately and went to work getting it installed. It didn't work the first 10 times I did it. I guess I should have taken that as a sign, but I was stubborn. I emailed their support team repeatedly and finally allowed a helpful stranger to log on as admin and set it up for me. I was over joyed.

Imagine my sadness when my first comment is "What is this useless comment crap?" (or something along those lines) from my father. Why, yes! I did inherit all my tact from him. My first response was "It's new! It will be wonderful. Try it! Don't be a dick! (that will be new too)." but then I tried to log on to post a comment.

Holy, merciful crap is that annoying. I couldn't log in the normal way I do. It doesn't look like the Wordpress one at all and all the comments I get mailed to my inbox no longer tell me which post it refers to. I hate it.

But I worked so hard to get it in there, I might leave it for a bit. I'll give it a chance.

That'll be new too.

Let me know what you think. Of course, if you can't log on either, we will have to make some accommodations.

Days of Grace: Day 189

1. Janny came over tonight to clean while I finished some packing and organizing. She cleaned the disgusting stove and fridge. It was the nicest gift anyone could have given me!
2. Went for ice cream with Crazybarefeet and her kids. It was a nice treat after a long day.
3. The house is very nearly all whipped into shape. Not much left to pack now.
4. A long hot bath to soak my aching body and feet.
5. Monty as he scratches and paws at the covers to get them into the perfect shape to sleep on.
6. Knowing in a few seconds, I am going to move all those covers he worked so hard on.
   

Days of Grace: Day 188

1. The sound of Monty's tail hitting the back of the couch when I tell him I love him
2. Hot dogs at a football game
3. Sisters and friends who help me calm down after a good rant
4. Finishing Season 3 of NCIS
5. Knowing there is a Season 4
   

Punishment for being a child

This was originally posted here on Oct. 07.

When I first met her, she was 6. She knocked on my parent's door and introduced herself. Without hesitation, she came into the house, sat down and announced that she and my mother would be grand friends. She talked without breathing for about half an hour. My mom was immediately taken with her. And, while she could talk the hind leg off a donkey, it is hard not to be.

She just turned 13 [she is now almost 15] and has fully entered the teenage phase. Her conversations are still rapid but now they are punctuated by harrumphs, dramatic flopping into chairs and eye rolling. She makes me miss being a teen when I knew everything about everything, but also want to apologize to everyone who was confronted with my attitude.

She is incredibly thoughtful and kind - to everyone who is not her brother (and at times her mother). She is very sensitive - to people's feelings and to the things people say and do around her. At times, I worry for how gentle she is and at other times I am proud to know such a brave girl who is now becoming a young woman.

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A week or so ago, I called Crazybarefeet and invited her and Maddy out for supper. I went and picked them up because the brother can now drive so has the car on a regular basis. Maddy came out of the house, got into the backseat and said "I have an apology to make". I thought "Oh no, what did she do??"

"I'm sorry I was ever annoying."

Apparently, she's had a mini me move in next door. Karma's a bitch.